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16 Pentecost
September 4, 2005
Sermon by Rev. Barb Hauck, Deacon
Readings
Listen with Heart
When I was visiting my
family in Michigan recently, there were a number of people gathered in
my mother’s room at the nursing home. There were nursing home staff,
several Hospice staff members, and some of our family. We were all
discussing how best to proceed, given some significant changes in Mom’s
health. As the youngest in the family, I’ve often played the role of
“peace-keeper”… watching and listening, then helping the one most not
wanting to accept the current decision come to understand the reasons
for the action deemed necessary. So while the others stood around, I sat
beside her, holding her hand while everyone talked about various
options. At 95, mom has endured many small strokes which have impaired
her ability to understand some things, so I did what I could to explain
what all the fuss was about…and help her participate, as much as
possible, in finding the solution.
After a period of time, Mom looked at me and loudly declared, “you’re not listening to me!” It came as a bit of a shock, because I’d been working especially hard to do my ‘multi-tasking’ thing – listening to both the group of caregivers and to Mom so I could respond and relay information back and forth and taking notes to remind us what we had decided. I patiently repeated what she had been saying to me to let her know I had, in fact, heard her. “Hear with ear, listen with heart,” she said softly. With that you could have heard a pin drop in the room – and each person’s attention was immediately directed toward Mom.
Jesus said, “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and tax collector.”
Repentance and reconciliation … that’s the message from today’s readings. Hopefully, by following the guidelines the writer of this gospel sets out, the offender will repent and reconciliation will be the result. And if repentance does not take place? …let such a one be to you as a Gentile and tax collector. Now the tone of that seems rather out of character for Jesus, doesn’t it? Jesus, the one known for reaching out to those on the margins of society – those society chose to exclude – seems, at first blush, to be giving us a way to exclude the unrepentant ones. But if we look at that statement through the lens of Jesus’ life, we see that he was most likely telling us that excluding the unrepentant from the day-to-day operations of the community might be necessary but it was also necessary to continue to be in relationship with them… reaching out to them, loving them even when we don’t like what they’ve done, encouraging them in their faith, empowering them to seek re-entry into the community. Let such a one be to you as a Gentile and tax collector… reaching out, sharing meals, bringing those on the margins of society into the body, as Jesus spent his life doing … that’s “the rest of the story” in that passage.
Reconciliation is a huge
issue for us today. Look around … there are the suicide bombings that
occur almost daily, the stories of people the world over being treated
ruthlessly by opposing forces, and now the reports of people who are, or
will choose to further victimize those families whose lives have been
ravaged by the unfathomable losses caused by Hurricane Katrina… further
victimize them through insensitivity, a lack of generosity, looting,
fear and violence. Look around… see the broken families, neighbors who
don’t speak to one another, people whose mission it is to provide
important services who are at odds with the people in need of those very
services, communities of faith deeply divided – all of them with anger
bubbling just below the surface, waiting to erupt. In a society where
our closest friends are often “me, myself, and I,” many of us find it
easier to walk away from relationships than to do the hard work it takes
to stay in them.
When confronted with conflict, many of us, perhaps most of us, prefer to pretend there isn’t a problem. “Minnesota Nice” requires that we look the other way, we may even swallow our anger and paper over the cracks that develop in our relationships in order to go on as if nothing is the matter. We often behave as if that elephant in the living room (the one named “Conflict”) isn’t really there… hoping that by not making a big deal of having been hurt by someone, the pain and discomfort will soon disappear. Some of us even think that this is what forgiveness means… pretending that everything is hunky-dory and that the offending person really hasn’t done anything wrong. But forgiveness doesn’t mean “it didn’t really happen,” or “it doesn’t really matter.” Desmond Tutu tells us in his recent book entitled God Has a Dream, “In the act of forgiveness we are declaring our faith in the future of a relationship and in the capacity of the wrongdoer to change. We are saying here is a chance to make a new beginning.”1 Forgiveness means it did happen… forgiveness means it does matter, and that we’re going to acknowledge the offense head-on so that this relationship can be healed and we can move forward together.
Today’s readings are filled with guidance about relationships. The prophet Ezekiel had been delivering oracles of judgment against Israel… and it appeared no one was listening with either their ears or their hearts! With the fall of Jerusalem and the subsequent Exile a reality, surely he would have preferred walking away. I certainly would have. But Ezekiel was called to stay in relationship with the Israelites… to do everything possible to bring reconciliation to God’s people. For God said, “I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from their ways and live…” The Apostle Paul wrote, Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection, outdo one another in showing honor… Do not repay anyone evil for evil… live peaceably with all…if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. In a world where evil is routinely repaid with evil (our society’s “don’t get mad, get even” philosophy), evil can quickly become the rule rather than the exception. Where is our hope?
Today’s gospel gives us a blueprint to follow that helps us deal with conflict in our communities… whether it be conflict within our family, our community of faith, or the larger community. First, we talk to the person who has hurt us – as Mom was apparently trying to do with me. But with our agenda set, I wasn’t responding satisfactorily. So she stated it in front of the only witnesses she could gather – people who were just as guilty as I was… guilty of the sin of hearing with our ears rather than listening with our heart. And the path toward reconciliation provided in today’s gospel passage was open to each of us in that room.
We had been trying to develop a plan to deal with her worsening heart condition – a plan that would keep her comfortable…. a plan that included greatly reducing her favorite flavoring ingredient – SALT. You see, Mom’s most frequent comment that day had been, “French fried onion rings – now!”… something which certainly wasn’t on our list of approved foods for her.
As I already mentioned, our “agenda” was to develop a plan of action that would keep her comfortable… and since her heart no longer pumps efficiently enough to send her blood to her kidneys for pulling off any excess fluid, reducing her salt intake would indeed, we thought, keep her more comfortable. But there’s a difference between being comfortable and being comforted. You see, salty foods have always been “comfort foods” to Mom. And our well-intentioned agenda prevented us from listening with our hearts… prevented us from understanding that she was frightened and in need of the only kind of comfort she can still comprehend.
“Hear with ear, listen with heart.” With quiet dignity, Mom called us to a higher standard… a standard that called us to accept her for who she is rather than how we want her to feel. God, through Mom, called us to repent and be reconciled. Later, as Mom and I sat across from one another, I told her how sorry I was that I hadn’t understood what she needed and we offered God our gratitude for being able to share this moment together. And as we shared our basket of hot French fried onion rings, though her words were few… her coal black eyes were shining brightly, her smile was radiant, and her joy was punctuated with laughter. At 55, I obviously still have much to learn from my mother. Jesus said …if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them. This I believe.
Earlier, I asked, “where is our hope?” I believe our hope is in the Lord who gathers with us – who is among us no matter what our circumstances. We’ve seen that Lord this week… for laced throughout the stories of the horror being experienced by those in the southern regions of our country there have been countless stories of people rescuing those trapped with waters rising, people providing food and water, people working to restore order, people serving the sick and the elderly. Thanks be to God! With our Lord’s help may that, and so much more, continue in the days, weeks, months, and years of work ahead.
Let us pray. Holy One, soften our all-too-often hardened hearts… hearts hardened by the pain we have experienced, the pain we have witnessed in others. Give us listening hearts filled with generosity – generosity of spirit, of compassion, of love. Help us listen to the hearts of strangers, as well as those with whom we work and live and play. Give us the courage to go to those with whom we have struggled, those who have hurt us, whether or not that was their intent. Help us speak to them with love, share our pain, and wait respectfully for their response. Give us the grace to accept them as they are rather than how we want them to be and the strength and desire to be forgiving. AMEN.
1 Tutu, Desmond, 2004. God Has a Dream. New York, New York: Doubleday Books., p. 56.